‘SHUT THE HELL UP!’ Pete Hegseth Depicted as Raging Lunatic in Absolutely Unmerciful SNL Cold Open
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth was put on the hot seat by Saturday Night Live — with Colin Jost portraying the embattled secretary as a complete maniac.
In an absolutely scathing cold open Saturday, Jost made a WWE-style entrance complete with entrance music — slamming an energy drink to the floor after chugging it à la Stone Cold Steve Austin.
“Yeah!” Hegseth said. “All right shut the hell up! Shut it! Cut the music!”
Jost’s Hegseth proceeded to rage at the press for grilling him about the strikes on a suspected narco-boat.
“Is there any truth to the allegations that after an initial strike on a drug-smuggling boat you ordered a second strike to kill the survivors?” A reporter asked Hegseth.
“First of all, that kind of cruel, heartless act has no place in ‘Operation: Kill Everybody,'” Hegseth said — before the sketch made light of his past battles with alcohol. “I was so jacked up after the first strike, I had to make an emergency call to my sponsor. Sorry, a guy I met at an anonymous meeting so I don’t drink something that I like and I want, but I can’t have, but I want it and I need it!”
He added, “Let’s just say if I had a drink for every Venezuelan we’ve killed, I’d really like that number of drinks.”
Former congressman Matt Gaetz (portrayed by Sarah Sherman) jumped in to ask, “you’re only killing people who are trafficking drugs, right? So, hypothetically, if someone were trafficking something else, they’d be OK?”
“We’re targeting drug smugglers exclusively,” Hegseth said.
“Giggity!” Gaetz replied.
And President Donald Trump was not spared in the blistering open. When the camera cut to James Austin Johnson — playing the president, as per usual — he was shown to be catching some Zs, as many critics believed was the case during Tuesday’s cabinet meeting. The sketch showed Trump having a dream fantasizing about incoming New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani.
“Stop, Mamdani! You can freeze my rent anytime!” Trump said.
The president went on to issue a statement of support for his beleaguered Defense Secretary — with one pretty big qualifier.
“I stand by Pete,” Trump said. “And nothing can change my mind. Unless, of course, it could hurt me in any way. In which case, I’ll throw him under one of Mamdani’s free buses.”
Watch above, via NBC.
